Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Blogging is Hard

And I'm not much of a writer. Not much has happened in my life in recent days. Work has picked up to full time again. Football and more football. Angry men and women. I really hate people. Anyhoo.....

Autumn has arrived in Northeast Mississippi. Crisp night air that makes you feel a bit more energetic. Halloween decorations in all the shops. Pumpkin patches. Kids screaming. Lovely.

Nothing more to say...xx

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Rain

I love the rain. I love the sound of it. I love the relief from the heat it provides. Every day for more than a week we have been drenched with lovely rain.

Yesterday evening while standing on my neighbor's porch we watched the rain move in from the west. A great big sheet of rain rapidly moving across a field until it drenched us with its power. It amazes me. Nature is wonderful and sometimes scary. Especially in the south where the hot and cold air mix and sometimes spawn tornadoes with these storms. Above is a tornado that hit my work in May 2008. We were lucky to come out of it alive. A few feet over and it would have come through our building on top of us.

This is where I work.

Today we have tornado warnings. Today I don't love the rain so much.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Struggling Still

Why do I always make things difficult? Why am I not happy and ready to seize the day like the majority of people I see around me? I'm so envious of those who don't seem to have a care in the world. I know I shouldn't be but I am. Every day is a major struggle for me. What horror will happen next? I worry, I fret, I'm scared.

I don't hate my job but lately I am so scared every moment I'm there. They seem to look for reasons to fire people. No motivation. Nothing. The turn over rate is phenomenal. I am so thankful that I even have a job and every day I expect to be told to leave. Nothing you do is right. Nothing you say is right.

Today is Tuesday and it's my day off and I should be resting and happy. Instead I was up at 3.30 am worrying. Worrying about bills that haven't been paid. Worrying if my things will be packed up on my desk when I go back in to work on Thursday. Worrying if they will come and turn my electricity off on me today even though I've asked if they could give me until Friday to pay it. Worrying about what the neighbors say. The list goes on and on. I cant stop worrying.

I have made so many mistakes that have put me in this position and I am struggling to get out of it. I want to be able to smile and visit friends far and wide. To do things, experience things....Enjoy life. I want to care about myself again and I don't know where to begin.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Knocked Back Down

This week I started to feel a bit more positive about things but then I received an email from my mother today.....Mom thinks I should try to do better. Ummm...I think I know this....I think I'm doing damn well for no more than I make plus driving 70 miles per day on what hours we've been getting since February. It's so easy to tell someone to do something but until you are actually in their shoes it's hard to know exactly what is going on. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing or how to do it or who to do it with. I'm just plonking along hoping for the best.

Yes, I need to go to the doctor...Yes, I need to go to the dentist...Yes, I need new tires on the car...Yes, I need brakes...Yes, I need a new washing machine...I could go on and on.....but I do not have the extra money. I wish my family would understand this. I can not save what is not there. Getting to work and food are my priorities and I'm trying damn hard just to get that. Yes, I'm depressed. Yes, I sometimes give up. The stress and worry overwhelms me at times...but I pick myself up and carry on regardless.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's That Time of Year

American Football season will start this Sunday and where I work it's the dreaded time of year. The good thing is it mean more work, more money and me getting out of debt. The bad thing is less twittering and less time with my Rexy.

I really hate football. Big, grunty men running into each other. Just isn't my idea of a good time. The American public seem to love it though..in fact worship it. You have not been cussed out until you are cussed out by a football fan who cant get his or her favorite teams game on tv that day and it's all my fault. I so look forward to it. So anyone reading this who has the NFL Sunday Ticket....please read the fine print...SUBJECT TO BLACKOUTS!! This means that if the game is in your area and it DID NOT sell out then the game is blacked out in your area. You will not get the game. I can not hit a magic button and get it on your tv for you. I realize that you pay a lot of money for it but I can not control it. I am sooooooo sorry. End of..

Other than that I am surviving. I ate a roast beef sandwich yesterday which made me happy. I love roast beef sandwiches. I trimmed the weeds around the side of my home. I helped elderly people hook up their converter box so they could get more than one channel on their tv. I hung out with my neighbors. I twittered. Good day overall. Today I may actually clean my car if I get the energy.

Hopefully nothing will implode and make life go all wrong...It's 9/9/9 so I'm kinda expecting something to go wrong..

What's David Tennant doing? I have no idea.

Peace, Love, and extra cute chubby bunny rabbits to you all.

Robbie Williams - Bodies