Monday, September 13, 2010

The Never Changing Story

Didn't get the job. Thought I had it. The interviews were so positive. Very disappointed.

Eff my life...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

What Will Be Will Be

Got called for an interview with AT&T for Monday. First call back I've had in awhile. Hopefully I will pass whatever tests they put me through and get a job. Lord knows I need one. This doing nothing lark is killing me!

The lovely fabulous Syd Curry cut my hair Friday. I am grateful to him and the good people of Aberdeen who I've recently met. It's nice knowing there are good decent people around here. Perhaps if I hadn't shut myself away like a recluse for so long I would have found that out. Depression sux but I'm trying.

Other than that I know nothing.

As for the David Tennant part of this blog...

David Tennant is still in New Mexico filming Fright Night. Someone spotted him at California Pizza Kitchen...#thatisall

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Verbal Abuse

I try to keep things lighthearted. I joke and put on a smile when inside I'm dying. I'm so afraid. Afraid of life. Afraid of people. Afraid of taking a chance. I try to block the true reasons out but sometimes something happens that gives me a kick and I realize exactly what's going on.

Tonight my mother phoned me. She had sneaked outside with her cell phone to call and she was very upset. My father is driving her insane. She cannot talk to me in front of him without him yelling and making crass comments. My father has always been a strict and very angry man. Nothing you do is good enough for him. For the past few years he has gotten worse. He verbally abuses my mother and he also verbally abused me my entire life. I do not live with him so I only get it when I phone them but I am so afraid of him. I worry so much for my mother. She is a kind woman and his words are slowly killing her.

Tonight he went to bed at 7pm. He said he had given up on life. He says he is sick. He is putting the guilt on us. My mother waits on him hand and foot and its not good enough. He hates the fact that I am not pretty, rich and successful. He is ashamed of me and has let me know it. I am not welcome in their house anymore because of his prejudices. I want so much to support my mother and to be there for her but she is so scared she begs me not to. I am so scared of him I do not want to go there.

He will not get help. Refuses to acknowledge that he is ever in the wrong and belittles and demeans us to the point of giving up. I am a scared, emotional, fucked up person because of him. I don't know how to let it go or to help my mother.

Frank Lee has all of the characteristics below:


Signs of verbal abuse exhibited by the abuser are:

Actions of ignoring, ridiculing, disrespecting, and criticizing others consistently.
A manipulation of words.
Purposeful humiliation of others.
Accusing others falsely for the purpose of manipulating a person's decision making.
Manipulating people to submit to undesirable behavior.
Making others feel unwanted and unloved.
Threatening to leave the family destitute.
Placing the blame and cause of the abuse onto others.
Isolating a person from some type of support system, consisting of friends or family.
Harassment
Jekyll and Hyde behaviors, either in terms of sudden rages or behavioral changes, or where there is a very different "face" shown to the outside world vs. With victim

Me and my mother have these:

Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development. Regular exposure leads to significant detriment of a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Twitter Friends

Thanks for all the support on Twitter last night/early this morning. You guys rock! I'm so lucky that I have such a great network of friends via Twitter.

I'm strong. I will survive this.

Love y'all xx

Pain

I never in a million years thought I'd be what I am today. Scared, alone, jobless, depressed. I don't like myself very much, not that I ever did. I've reached an all time high of self-loathing. I've gained so much weight. I disgust myself. I comfort eat. I have no health or dental insurance. I need to see a dentist but cant. I have no motivation. I cant look into a mirror without cringing. I am ashamed.

Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm Still Alive

Haven't blogged in a really long time but thought I'd give it a go again. Things are not good. Still cant find a job. I've been depressed. I've let myself go. I've withdrawn from people. These are never good things and I know that. Being unemployed really makes you feel useless but I'm alive and I will try to make my life better.

Another Day

No Job! Guess I'm unhireable. This makes me sad.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

It's Relative

Sunday Sunday Sunday!! Hello people. I have not blogged in ages but here I am. Still unemployed. Still feeling useless. Bah!

Yesterday was tornado day. Strong storms moved in Friday evening and lasted until yesterday spawning a massive tornado killing 10 people in the state of Mississippi. Rex and I took cover for a bit once the sirens started blaring here in Aberdeen but it all went around us and we were safe and free from damage. Didn't even lose power or internet. Amazing!!


Not much else is going on. Just checking in. I'm still alive. I don't really like the new Doctor Matt Smith. David Tennant rocks!! #thatisall

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Friday, January 1, 2010

David Tennant Regenerates

1/1/10 The last hoorah for David Tennant is now over. The regeneration has happened and as expected I'm sad.



Haven't blogged much lately but thought I'd start the new year with one. Most of my Twitter followers know how crap my life has been lately. Hopefully 2010 will be better.