Saturday, August 7, 2010

Verbal Abuse

I try to keep things lighthearted. I joke and put on a smile when inside I'm dying. I'm so afraid. Afraid of life. Afraid of people. Afraid of taking a chance. I try to block the true reasons out but sometimes something happens that gives me a kick and I realize exactly what's going on.

Tonight my mother phoned me. She had sneaked outside with her cell phone to call and she was very upset. My father is driving her insane. She cannot talk to me in front of him without him yelling and making crass comments. My father has always been a strict and very angry man. Nothing you do is good enough for him. For the past few years he has gotten worse. He verbally abuses my mother and he also verbally abused me my entire life. I do not live with him so I only get it when I phone them but I am so afraid of him. I worry so much for my mother. She is a kind woman and his words are slowly killing her.

Tonight he went to bed at 7pm. He said he had given up on life. He says he is sick. He is putting the guilt on us. My mother waits on him hand and foot and its not good enough. He hates the fact that I am not pretty, rich and successful. He is ashamed of me and has let me know it. I am not welcome in their house anymore because of his prejudices. I want so much to support my mother and to be there for her but she is so scared she begs me not to. I am so scared of him I do not want to go there.

He will not get help. Refuses to acknowledge that he is ever in the wrong and belittles and demeans us to the point of giving up. I am a scared, emotional, fucked up person because of him. I don't know how to let it go or to help my mother.

Frank Lee has all of the characteristics below:

Signs of verbal abuse exhibited by the abuser are:

Actions of ignoring, ridiculing, disrespecting, and criticizing others consistently.
A manipulation of words.
Purposeful humiliation of others.
Accusing others falsely for the purpose of manipulating a person's decision making.
Manipulating people to submit to undesirable behavior.
Making others feel unwanted and unloved.
Threatening to leave the family destitute.
Placing the blame and cause of the abuse onto others.
Isolating a person from some type of support system, consisting of friends or family.
Jekyll and Hyde behaviors, either in terms of sudden rages or behavioral changes, or where there is a very different "face" shown to the outside world vs. With victim

Me and my mother have these:

Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development. Regular exposure leads to significant detriment of a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.


  1. Sweetheart. I am so sorry I wish I was there to give you a very big hug right now. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of verbal abuse knows how horrific it is, how you start to believe everything you are told and that it's a pattern you feel you cannot get out of. You feel worthless, not good enough but you are not and nor is your Mom. It's not too late honey you are a few months older than me. My councillor has helped me come to terms with so many things I perceive to be wrong with me it's a work in progress :). You are one of the most beautiful people I know. Kind, generous, funny, and so loving and caring. Look at how Many nights you've been an utter rock to me. Your father is a monster he is not worthy of you or your Mom. I'm sending all my love to you both darling one, you will always have me - I promise xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxz

  2. I love you J, and I echo everything A-C has said above. I may be on the other side of the world but I will always be here for you. S xxxxx